My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
wanna go halves on a baby?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
