im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
