Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
