Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
