i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
