never play flip cup with pint glasses
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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