What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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