i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
