you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize