Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You made out with two different species that night
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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