i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
