You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
