One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Randomize
