i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
