How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
