Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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