Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
