Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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