what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
