apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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