I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
He uses pillows to masturbate.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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