i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I have feelings that need drinking.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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