I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
