i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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