I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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