I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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