We need to rekindle our bromance
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
being pregnant is like rehab
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
