Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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