Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
