I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
