you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
