Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
