is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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