I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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