dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
