she was so not down for the gang bang
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
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