Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
