you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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