I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
