White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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