My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
