some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
