i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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