the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
