i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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