I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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