I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
