Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
