Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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