there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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