either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
