Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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