i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
