I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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