Small penises have feelings too.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I checked into jail on foursquare
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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