Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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