BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
