Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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