Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I would ride that face into the sunset
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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