i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
