Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize