The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
