Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Randomize
